Lessons Learned
by TooMuchCaffine
Summary: Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Jibbsish I suppose, but more harassment than romance. The Director forces an aptitude test on the agents, and learns that not everyone knows their stuff. Complete for now, but may add to it


AN: I don't know what possessed me to write this but...

Last year, I had an awesome history teacher, and he pushed us to be up to date on current events. He was a Marine too, so he demanded perfection from us! This fic is dedicated to Mr. Hughes!

* * *

Tony walked briskly to his desk, not tardy enough to be called "late", but even a few seconds was unacceptable to Gibbs. Hearing the elevator doors ding, he quickly sat down, knowing full well who was on the other side of the chrome doors, "Morning boss!"

Ziva and McGee smiled and shook their heads as the doors opened, revealing nothing. Tony cringed, spinning his chair around slowly, coming face to face with Gibbs, "Hey, how are ya?"

"DiNozzo, try to be on time," he smacked him with a folder, dropping it on his desk, "All of you have these, right?"

Tony looked at his colleagues questioningly. Ziva shrugged, holding up her own folder. McGee did the same, offering no help.

"Good," Gibbs nodded, "Now wait for Director Shepherd. Apparently, as a nation, we're ignorant when it comes to current events. So the morning is going to be spent on an aptitude test." he heard the groans echoing through the bullpen, even from agents not on his team, "I know, we all have things we'd rather be doing. But its getting us out of 'sensitivity training', so hopefully you all have the know-how to fill in the blanks!"

"What do you mean, 'ignorant on current events'," Ziva asked, not sure if she liked where this was going

"Well," Gibbs picked up the memo Jen had left on his desk, "'Since 10 of Americans failed to find their own country on a map in a recent survey, in order to improve our understanding of current and historical events, this test will determine who will have to attend a course on modern and contemporary US history.'" he read aloud, "Sounds exciting, doesn't it Officer David?"

"Wait, wouldn't Ziva have a distinct disadvantage?" McGee noted, "I mean, this is sixth grade stuff for us, but for a foreigner-"

"Probie!" Tony cut him off, "Quit while you're ahead!" he glanced over at Ziva, who was polishing her gun to pass the time, glaring over at McGee warningly

Gibbs checked his watch, "You'll get the signal to start in a sec. Number two pencil, don't doodle on it, you know this already..." he flipped through the instruction booklet, feeling more and more like a high school teacher every day; between the protocol, paperwork, and putting out arguments between his pupils, there were times when he wondered what he'd gotten himself into

Over the intercom, a shrill beep signaled the morning announcements, "_Good Morning, NCIS." _Director Shepherd's calm voice spoke, eerily reminding them of Big Brother, "_As I'm sure you all know by now, this morning you are all taking an aptitude test. You will have an hour to complete it, starting now!"_

* * *

Tony slid his test packet into the secure box up near the catwalk. He'd been among the last to finish, but was pretty confident with his answers. He reclined comfortably at his desk, waiting to actually do something productive. Across the aisle, he watched Ziva. Her brow was furrowed in concentration, her frustration obvious. He felt a bit bad for her; the test was hard enough for him, having lived here his whole life. What was it like for her, having only been in the United States three years?

"_Your time is up,_" the Director announced, _"Regardless of completion, please turn in your test packets."_

Ziva swore under her breath, filling in her last few guesses. She bolted up, placing her now completed form in the box. She gave a sigh of relief, returning to her desk. Glancing at the monitor, she had an instant message

_007Boytoy: You do ya think you did?_

She looked around to make sure that Gibbs wasn't lurking like a vulture over their shoulders, and replied

_ZivaDavid: Not bad. I could have used more time, or perhaps some notice so that I could have studied. Are you ever going to get a name that is suited for a thirty-five year old?_

_007Boytoy: No. And I'm thirty-four!_

* * *

Jen walked down the stairs, staring in disbelief at the test results in front of her. The average score was acceptable, around eighty percent. However the two extremes were what surprised her the most. The highest was a remarkable ninety-nine, with the low being a pitiful two percent. Overall, only five agents would be forced to attend the course; much better than she'd expected.

She was met with a crowd of anxious eyes staring up at her, each one praying they wouldn't be among the lowest of the low. "Overall, I'm impressed!" she announced, much to the relief of the group, "An overwhelming majority of you passed, with only five failing."

The hooting and hollering below came to a halt as soon as she picked up the list, "I won't announce it here, but those who will be attending the course will be contacted this afternoon." there was a chorus of disagreement from below, "However, some of you do in fact need to be reprimanded a little. Agent DiNozzo?" her eyes scanned the bullpen from above

Tony raised his hand nervously, Ziva and McGee's hands patting his shoulder lightly

"Could you tell me where Kabul is?" she smiled

"Um...do I have to?" he asked nervously, "I have my Miranda rights you know!" he maintained his right to remain silent, though it never stopped him from speaking out before

"You're not under arrest Tony," she held up the map portion of Tony's test, "I wasn't aware that Kabul was in Texas, did you?"

Tony was expecting to be ridiculed by the other agents, but they were remarkably mellow over the situation. His best guess was that none of them fared any better on that one. "Well...Texas is a big state, for all you know, there could be a Kabul, Texas!"

"I'm not surprised," Jen shook her head, "Only three percent of you knew that one. Anyone care to give the right answer?"

Jen ducked, seeing a shimmer of silver whiz by her ear. She turned around to the large map hung on the wall behind her. A knife was embedded in the paper, the point of the blade hovering in Afghanistan. She stared at the map, mouth agape, "Officer David?!"

Ziva shrugged, "You did ask, yes?"

Her heart still racing, Jen pulled Ziva's knife from the wall, the word Kabul split neatly in half by the knife.

"Wow...that's scary," McGee noted, mouth hanging open

Ziva smirked a bit, taking her knife back from Jen, who whispered in her ear, "_Next time, I'm keeping it!"_

"Noted, Director." she returned to her seat with the others staring in awe, respect, and fear

"Next, Abby?" she smiled kindly at the Goth, shifting nervously, "Don't worry, you passed. However, it should be noted that Arnold Schwarzenegger is 'governor', not 'governator' of California. I let it slide, because I knew what you meant, but try to be more professional?"

"Gotcha!" Abby nodded, "_The Terminator_ series did rock though!"

"Good to know," Jen shook her head, "That's all I have to say. You will get your results back today so that you can review and reflect on the results. Hopefully, you all learned something!"

* * *

"Seventy?" Tony looked at his graded packet in disbelief, "I got a 'C'?"

McGee flipped through his own packet, a seventy-nine, "That's not too bad. Its passing, right? I mean, as long as it gets you out of that course, that's what matters."

"McGee is right, Tony," Ziva told him, trying to be supportive, "Things could be worse, yes?"

"Thanks, miss 'I got ninety-four!'" he snapped. He wasn't really upset with her. In fact, he was rather proud of her accomplishment. "You're right though. It could be worse...I could be Palmer..." having skipped one of the questions, all of Jimmy's answers from the third one on were in the wrong places, and thus marked as incorrect, giving him a final score of ten percent, mostly from sheer luck

"That's the spirit," Gibbs told him, dropping his own packet on Tony's desk for him to see. Gibbs' score was an astounding three percent. On the front, in bold red letters written in the Director's hand, "_I suppose you think this is funny, Jethro? Y__ou __are__ taking the course!__"_

Unable to resist, Tony checked a few of Gibbs' answers

_#6- Who killed John F. Kennedy?...LBJ and the alien overlords_

_#24- The Louisiana Purchase was...expensive_

_#31- What is the White House?...a white house_

_#36- The first President to die in office is...dead_

_#42- Define the emancipation proclamation...a proclamation of emancipation_

_#47- The battle of Gettysburg was in...'Gettysburg_

_#51- What state are we in...' bad one, but with the election coming up... who knows?_

_#60- The capital of the United States?...Canada_

"Wow...she's gonna kill you," Tony whistled in disbelief, "You had to have gotten at least one right..." he flipped through the packet, trying to find the elusive correct answer, "How did I know?" he smiled, finding the right one

_#13- What is the motto of the US Marine Corps?...Semper Fi!_


End file.
